I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize