i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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