I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
