Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to put some appletini on your dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
