I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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