I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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