Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
