I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
