And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
