Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
