Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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