moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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