big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
