she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
