It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
