i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
