Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
