who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You need Xanax blowdarts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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