Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
