Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
