So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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