Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
