are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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