Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
