dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize