It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
