I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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