you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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