I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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