got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
