Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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