I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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