you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
