And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
