i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
