I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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