What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
