my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
