All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
don't judge my taste in strippers
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
His nipple licking is glorious
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