Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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