I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
