Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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