So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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