My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
