you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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