he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
