This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
