i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
