We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
