Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize