Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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