im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
