You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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