Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
