i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a search helicopter?!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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