Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
