Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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