But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
