I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
