The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
