Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
