the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
