you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
