there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize