Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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