who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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